Monday 5 December 2011

This must be how it feels, When the feeling goes.

Nobody mentions the side effects of leaving the country are more than just slight sunburn...
At this point, the end of September, I'd been on about 5 dates with Spencer, and things were looking great. I really liked him, he was easy to get on with, and above all he was pretty damn attractive.

(Don't berate me for saying 'above all.' No-one can deny that this is important. You can have an amazing connection with someone, but if you don't fancy them, well, that's the end I'm afraid.)

As I mentioned in my last post, I went off on holiday for 2 weeks. This was to prove the end for Spencer and I.

It's funny, because at this point, I told my mum about him. I was on holiday with her you see, so it seemed a natural conversation. The difference in our generations never struck me as much as when she said, 'Oh so you've finally got a boyfriend then?' Well, no mum, actually. 5 dates does not a boyfriend make. She couldn't fathom it; in 'her day', you go out with a guy a couple of times, and you are 'going out' with them, logically. Hence, they are your boyfriend. It seemed such a simple time! Now it's horrible who-texts-first dramas, seeing someone, dating someone, sleeping with someone, being with someone, and you might never call them your boyfriend, ever. It's bloody exhausting.

So I said, no, he's not my boyfriend, just a guy I've been seeing for a few weeks, and I really like him. Cue mother talking about 'Oh you might be able to spend New Year's with him!' and all sorts. Cue me slipping into excessive cynical mode and flatly denying it might ever get to that point. Which, in all seriousness, it might have never. There were a few things about him that I didn't click with, etc. But by this point, my mum was berating me for putting my walls up, 'getting down about everything again'; (this is not 2007, mother), and 'just be careful that you don't put out negative vibes and put men off. Maybe that's your problem.'

Christ. Pass the sangria, will you?

Anyway, mid way through the holiday, I text a couple of my friends to say hello, and also Spencer; asking how his week had been, the usual. He replied gloating about the weather (it was that insanely hot week in September, I had missed it, fortunately I was on an equally hot Turkish private beach) and such. I replied again. All fine, no alarm bells, nothing. I was looking forward to seeing him again, and secretly was planning my next move; i.e, maybe I should invite him over for dinner, watch a film, see if he wants to stay over... you get my drift. This is a big deal for me. I haven't had sex in 3 years. It's now been so long that I think I've stubbornly sworn to myself that it will not be a one night stand. I hate them anyway. And this level of non-self-inflicted celibacy has seemed to have become something symbolic; to be ended only when I feel it ought to be. And so forth.

So I had decided he was to be the lucky boy to break my streak of drought. He knew the day I was supposed to be getting back from holiday, so I was a little surprised when he hadn't contacted me after a couple of days of me being back in the UK. Nada, nothing. After 4 days I finally cracked and sent a short message, something along the lines of, How are you, can't believe how cold it is in the UK now (ie hinty hint I'm back), that sort of thing. Absolutely nothing.

I didn't hear anything from him for a week.

By this point I was frantically asking any female within 10 metres of me what the hell I should do. Text him again? Ask him what the hell was going on? Facebook stalk him? Maybe he's lost his phone? Maybe he's met someone else? Maybe he's had a terrible accident? Oh god what should I do?!

I did what any girl does in this situation. I watched He's Just Not that Into You, taking fervent notes.

Turns out, if a guy's not texting you back, He's Just Not that Into You. If he never complimented you, He's Just Not that Into You. If he never invited you round, or introduced you to his friends, He's Just Not that Into You. If he's still friends with his long-term ex, he's probably, very, Just Not that Into You.

So, I decided to cut the crap and just text him, asking him, with a little irony, hey stranger, where have you been? Fancy a drink this week? PLEEEEAAAASE?! (I didn't add the desperate please.)

Nothing. 2 days later, he finally replied. 'Hey, sorry I haven't got in contact, while you were on holiday I sort of got back with my ex and now we're together again. Sorry. Would be really cool to still meet up for a drink as friends though?'

Gah. My gut feeling was right all along. There was something more about that damn ex of his. And do you know what, I was way more upset about it all than I thought I would have been. Perhaps because this has now happened to me THREE times in my life (guys getting back with their exes), perhaps because he was the first guy in three years that I actually liked. Perhaps I just don't like getting my ego bruised. And so, the drought continues.

Also, I was a bit angry at how much of a coward he'd been. He'd clearly just been ignoring my text because he didn't know how to break it to me. Well, I'm sorry, grow up. Don't leave me hanging and worrying, it's not fair. I thought it was hilarious how he wanted to meet up as friends too - I'm sure his girlfriend would love that!! I told him as much, good luck with everything, goodbye.

So we're pretty much up to date. I wanted to hibernate forever after that, but decided to a) delve back into online dating and b) set up this blog. Time to start blogging in the present I feel!


No comments: