The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

Since setting up this blog, and my twitter, I've realised I've entered quite a large community of dating bloggers; I didn't realise there were so many out there! It's been quite a journey of discovery.

One interesting situation presented it to me; a fellow online dater/blogger DM'd me on twitter, a male no less. I had originally thought dating blogging would be an exclusively female activity, but it appears not. He asked if I fancied going on a date; at first I was wary (not knowing his face or name - where did this feel familiar from?) and questioned whether he genuinely wanted to date me, or whether it was just material for his blog. And also, surely it would be weird, going on a date together, knowing we were both to be written about, their real feelings bared to the world? Neither of us could be completely honest, surely? The whole point of my blog is that I can be candid about the people I meet, with no worry that they will see it because it's anonymous, and hopefully no harm is done. Etc.

However, he finally convinced me, and I agreed to have him Rate our Date. That probably gives you a clue as to who he is (I guess the anonymity goes out the window here, but it's a mutual agreement).

As I had some catching up to do with my blog still, it was going to take me a while to get to the point where I could blog about him, chronologically. After a couple of dates (and reading his posts, which were, thankfully, lovely) I realised I didn't actually want to write about him. I knew I wouldn't be honest, so what was the point? Knowing he would read it would skew my opinions and generally make the whole thing useless. And never quite knowing if the dates were real or just feeding the blog. Or was the blog feeding the dates? It was a strange, cyclical, self-fulfilling prophecy I was faced with, and frankly, my life is complicated enough.

So why am I talking about it? I guess just to address the weirdness of this whole dating blogging thing. What happens if I meet someone, as is the whole point? Do I stop? Do I keep writing behind their back? What if they find out and hate it? I don't want to hurt fictional future boyfriend's feelings. Do I come clean and say, I've been doing this, but I'll stop because I really like you, here, read it, or do I just quietly let it slide? Or even, delete the whole bloody thing?

It's a difficult situation. One which I'll cross when I (hopefully) come to it.

It's funny though. Doing this has made me realise that even though I'd rather not be single, I'm finally starting to enjoy it, after 4 years. 2011 has been a year of many dates (I never dated, properly, before this year) and I've met all kinds. I've also realised that while my life is not perfect, it's pretty good, surprisingly, and it's been so long since I've shared it with anyone that I'm not sure how to actually do that anymore. I'm such an independent(mostly), confident(ish) person now, how would I cope with the sudden shift of having to think about someone besides myself for once? Being in a relationship is great, but what if it means I can't wear *that* dress anymore? One would hope that your partner would never dictate things like that, but I just don't know. Am I actually ready to be not single yet? It's a scary thought. It's been so long, I'm quite used to just being by myself, going out when I want, being with who I want, whenever. I think it'll be a really strange transition.

So while I'm not going to blog about my dates with Mr Rating, they were nice. Lovely. Not weird. You know. He's a great guy, not sure how much I like him yet, but I'm not one to give up. 3rd date will probably happen.

Will that do?