Single and Disconnected.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and it's struck me as actually quite obvious when you think about it. Why are there so many single people? I know there are people who are in one of those relationship things, and that's great, but you must have noticed it - whole swathes of twenty-somethings, perfectly wonderful people, who haven't had a real relationship in years. It can't all be through choice. It just seems to be that there are more people single than in relationships, and not for a short period of time, either.

Granted, the majority of my circle of friends have boy/girlfriends (I'll come to that later), but here's a nice statistic for you: "There has been a dramatic increase in the number of single women, according to the Office for National Statistics. The number of 18- to 49-year-olds living alone has more than doubled over the past three decades."

I think, (to quote Matrix Reloaded, that classic film), it's choice. The problem is choice.

Instead of things like online dating bringing people together, it's actually showing people just how many other singles are out there. Instead of having access to a few singles within our circles of friends of friends, now there are thousands. Literally thousands of people you could potentially be with. So why settle for that lovely guy that took you on a date last week when there might be someone even better out there? The guy taking you out next week has a better job than poor last-week-whats-his-name. And so it goes on. I'm not saying you should ever, ever settle, but we can't all have perfection. And always holding out for grass is greener isn't the way to happiness. Who has been guilty of this? I certainly have. The internet is ruining our capacity to be truly happy with what we have. 100 years ago, you grew up, did the job your father did, and married the girl in the same village as you. Simple. Now? People can't even decide what flavour syrup they want in their Venti Skinny Decaf Mocha Frappuccino. How in the hell can we decide who's a good person to love?

I was recommended to read The Single Trap by Andrew G. Marshall by a commenter; I haven't finished it yet but the first few chapters have been interesting. Some of it is a bit unnecessary for me - whole chapters on how 'your parents have probably damaged your ability to find love' etc - my parents are great, no issues there. It's not written in too a self-helpy way (not overly American or 'yeah! you can do it! you deserve the best!') which is refreshing. In fact there's a section on why thinking you deserve only the very best is probably why you're in this mess. Worded nicer than that though, obviously.

No, what struck me was a section called 'Why it is becoming harder to meet people.'

“The dominant strains in our culture are materialism and individualism... the result is that we seem to be losing the social glue that holds us all together... We are more likely to be strangers to our neighbours... Social, sporting and voluntary groups have lost between 10 and 20 percent of their membership and the remaining members spend less time together. The slack has not been taken up by by informal social connections like drinks after work or socialising with friends.”

In essence, people are sticking within their close friendship groups, and losing basic acquaintances/friends of friends, etc. I see this in front of my own eyes, living in London. You'd think, that living in a huge city like this, it would be easy to meet people. But it's harder than ever. I have my handful of good friends; they don't know that many people outside of their own circles, and so can't introduce me to any eligible bachelors. Plus they all have boyfriends so seem to be busier with them than socialising with me and picking up guys. Heh. I have my housemates, who I get on fine with, but it's a closed circle with them really; my housemates have other friends but I'm very rarely invited to socialise with them (that's a whole other issue entirely. We won't dwell, I've long since accepted I'm not 'cool' enough to hang out with them and their East London ways), and I have work colleagues. Unfortunately, the industry I'm in doesn't have a great deal of men, and the only guy I work directly with on a daily basis is gay. Boo.

Hence, the online dating thing. But I'm getting really jaded with it all; I've been going online for over a year now and nothing of note has really come from it. I'm not giving up, but I'm well aware my best bet for finding someone I genuinely connect with is through a friend of a friend. Or, by actively trying to create more acquaintances that can link me to potential guys. If it's been proven that people are letting that social, loose friendship thing slide, then I'm going to try and expand my circle. I'm already a pretty outgoing person, I always go to events/talks/meetups etc on my own; I just need to focus on making friends (girls or guys) who could possibly lead to single guys, rather than going straight for the single guys directly. Sounds like a plan, right? Of course, that doesn't mean I'm forging tonnes of fake acquaintance-friendships just to get to their hot mates - I would quite like some actual new friends too. It's just kind of a bonus. And a much better strategy than sitting in a freezing room clicking on endless pictures of 'caring, fun and creative' guys who turn out to be anything but.

Do you think society is becoming more and more closed off? Is it becoming harder to branch off and meet new friends of friends? What are your experiences of trying different ways to meet people in real life? Answers on a postcard!