Sunday 26 February 2012

Review: Old Fashioned Dating Event, 22nd Feb

So, as I posted the other day, I went to the launch event of Old Fashioned Dating at the Shadow Lounge in Soho on Wednesday night. Having never been to a speed dating night before, and not really ever having the desire to, I was invited to this and was pleased to discover it was billed as 'speed dating with a difference - the old fashioned way', which was essentially, that you are matched beforehand by answering a few questions about yourself and who you'd like to meet. You're then given a card with 10 names on at the beginning of the night who you hopefully have something in common with, thereby eliminating the whole awkward-5-minutes with someone who is completely not your type.

So off I trotted to Soho, not really knowing what to expect, but hoping to have a bit of fun! I was also really looking forward to the Burlesque show after, having never seen it before but definitely appreciating the female form ;)
I got there, and the first thing I noticed was that I was probably one of the youngest there... so definitely hoped some younger guys would turn up; I was a bit worried that perhaps speed dating is for slightly older-ish people. I got myself a drink, sat down in the nearest booth and started chatting to a couple of girls who had come together (note to self: bring a friend next time, it's much more fun if you get to compare notes!) who worked in PR. They were really nice, and we were just chatting about our shared dating woes etc. It was good to meet some fellow ladies who were in a similar boat.

The evening started out a little late as some people arrived late and we had to wait until everyone got there otherwise the matches wouldn't, er... match up. I think my suggestion for the next event would be to start it at 6.30 or 7pm instead of 6... I found it a struggle to get there in time, and I'm only 15 minutes on a bus from Soho. I think there was also a bit of confusion for some people as their dates hadn't turned up and some people seemed to be missing people or have completely blank cards. Obvious teething problems though, nothing that disastrous.

So as I said, we were all given 10 names, with a number next to it - that determined the location of the date (i.e 1 was by the bar, 2 next to that, etc etc all the way round the room) so when it says you have Mr xx at 23 you go and sit at 23 and wait until he finds his way around the room.

True to the ethos of this blog, I can't name names, and thinking up of 10 alternative names is just going to be confusing, so we'll just refer to the guys by their running order. Ok? Here we go..

#1 didn't turn up. This happened to a few people, so there were a few boys and girls sitting around with no date. This was OK, I'm alright at sitting on my own, and it was only a couple of minutes. I actually got chatting to the guy next to me, who turned out to be my #10. It was a bit weird, slightly 'Oh, shouldn't be talking to you yet! Save the best til last! Ho ho ho' etc, and he was nice, an Actor, Darling, but I was thinking, hmmm not totally looking forward to my 5 minutes with you, bit flamboyant for me! In front of me however, busying himself on his first date, was a rather fit guy, who I was really hoping was on my card for later. Time would tell...

#2 was a graphic designer, like moi, and a really nice guy. The dates go by SO fast so you're only just loosening up and getting past the 'what do you do for a living' questions by the time you have to move on. We had things to talk about though and he was quite funny, although a bit beard-y. I don't have a problem with beards per se, but I dunno. They're a bit scary. Would definitely see him again though.

#3 Also didn't turn up. Bit annoying. But while I was waiting for him, another guy approached me, who didn't seem to have anyone on his cards at all, slight clerical error there I imagine. He turned out to actually be my #9, so again we did the whole 'Oh better not talk to you then ho ho ho' but he seemed nice. I wasn't that attracted to him physically on first impressions, and isn't that what speed dating is all about? Never mind.

#4 ALSO didn't turn up. By this point I was on date 4 and had only had 1 of them. Not the fault of the organisers I'm sure, just bad luck on my part. While I was sitting all forlorn and alone (clocking fit guy from before, hoping he was on my card later..) another guy came to sit with me, who was clearly older. Much older. Like, 40. After a quick 'Do we have a date later? No?' we started chatting - I had no real interest in him but actually, he was really nice. A bit like talking to a friend of your dad's, admittedly, but still, nice. Hhe was a bit 'I've got my own business, we're really successful' which made me chuckle internally (some women go for that, I don't. Not yet anyway. Give me twenty years), but all in all, a pleasant bloke. I hope he found someone that night. It wasn't me, however.

#5 had dreads, which in itself isn't a big deal but after the lack of #4 and older guy I was a bit 'OMG a slightly alternative, cool guy, hurrah!' so perhaps launched in a bit strong. He was a great conversationalist, although slightly angry/pessimistic - he was telling me all about how he's a carer for his brother (which is wonderful) but how the council have screwed him over so now he has to quit his job and he only found out on monday... etc. A normally really interesting topic, and terrible for him too, but I felt the anger was a bit raw still and I didn't have a lot to say to his ranting. On a normal date I would have listened and discussed intently but in the space of a few minutes, it's quite a difficult topic. Nerves and all that though, I'm sure. I'm sure normally he's a great guy, was probably just an off day for him. Shame.

#6 was HILAR. Actually so funny. I didn't fancy him in the slightest but he was really great to talk to. He's a librarian, which isn't that amusing, but was telling some great stories. He also had a question, which I assume some people must do, have a random question they ask everyone on a speed date in case conversation dries up/get away from work. His question was 'If you had to have a sound effect for when you walked into a room what would it be?' to which I answered, incomprehensibly, an explosion. I don't know why I said that. KABOOM. But yeah. His was the Star Wars Imperial March thingy. Says it all really. Wouldn't see him again but thoroughly made me smile!

#7 turned out to be HOT GUY yeah! At first I thought it was another no-show, as I was sat in a booth with #10 (theatre luvvie) and his date, and they were getting on, and it was A-W-K-W-A-R-D so I got up to get a drink. When I came back, #7 finally turned up. Hurrah! He was from South Africa and we only had a couple of minutes together because he was late coming over but I managed to make him laugh within about 20 seconds (score) and we clicked straight away. I thought so anyway. All too soon our turn was over and we were both a bit sad. We were then told that because the event had started late, and the Burlesque show was about to start, we had to end it there! Boo. And those that hadn't booked tickets for the show had to leave, but there were after drinks at a nearby pub. Turned out #7 hadn't got tickets so had to go; I did, and thought it a shame to not watch the Burlesque, so let him go off to the pub. Perhaps I should have gone with him? We'll never know.

As I said, I'd already met my #9 and #10 anyway so didn't actually feel too cheated, and I met up with the PR girls afterwards who said that one of them had #8 and he wasn't all that, so perhaps I didn't miss out. It was good to dissect our dates a bit and we seemed to agree on the people we had shared!

The Burlexe show started soon after, and my, what a show. It was a mix of song, monologue and striptease, and I'll have to say, felt quite feminist/empowering. More for the ladies perhaps. Anyway, I was sitting in a booth with the PR girls when 3 guys asked if they could sit with us because everywhere was full. We said fine, but I don't think they had really thought about it, or knew what they were letting themselves into, because I think they quickly realised the awkwardness of the situation of watching naked girls dance with 3 unknown young girls with them. I felt awkward anyway... These guys must have been late 30s/40ish. I was having a great time, it was really interesting, the dancing and the monologues, but I don't think they had quite realised it was going to be like that; they looked like they just wanted to be in a place where they could shout 'TITS! Yeah' and ogle ass cracks (ha) but this was definitely more of a high-brow, intellectual event. Lots of stories about the founders of Burlesque and the hardships they had to go through, etc. One of the dancers was a transvestite (a very good one, I might add, really funny) and one of the guys kept speaking to me, and at one part asked if 'Trannies still have their tackle?!' with a slight panicked voice. I don't know, I said, (nor did I care, he's[she's? argh] got great tits. Look at them!) I suspect that the man in the booth with me cared though, a lot, and I thought, "you're in Soho, surely you should expect this a bit?"
Edit: You might have come to this post through the Burlexe facebook page (hello!) and apparently it's being questioned if she actually WAS a transvestite; I apologise, I definitely recall the dancer being introduced as the 'best transvestite in London' but maybe I misheard. Anyway. It was great. Argh! Minefield.

Anyway, it got to the interval and the girls I was sitting with said they were going to leave as they were going to dinner, nice to meet you, etc. Bye, I said. I then suddenly thought - if they go, I'll be here alone. With these guys, in this awkward situation. In this booth. Argh. So I had to leave too, even though I wanted to watch the rest. Never mind. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see it again, with some girlfriends and we can all have a giggly night!

So all in all? A good night. Not sure if I'll do speed dating again for a while; it maybe feels like something to do in your late twenties and onwards, perhaps not for me yet. But I had a great time, and maybe I'll see #7 again. Who knows?

Edit Edit: #7 wants my number! Breaking News! Exciting Announcement! Etc. So we shall see.... who will text first? It's all very exciting. 

Tuesday 21 February 2012

Old Fashioned Dating at The Shadow Lounge

Just a heads up on an event I've been invited to tomorrow night - the ladies tickets are sold out now I think but fellas there's still some space for you! This actually looks great.



For cool modern people with old fashioned values looking for friendship and romance - It's a journey back to 1930s courting. 

You will have 10 dates on your dating card which will be pre-matched by a real old fashioned dating professional.

You can then stay for the utter fabulous show that is BURLEXE:
Burlexe is one of the most original shows of it's type in town with an all female cast mixing top burlesque performers (Fancy Chance, Kiki Kaboom and Luna Rosa) with talented actresses performing burlesque monologues all held together seemlessly by r'n'b whip cracking songstress hostess with the mostress Kele Le Roc.
www.burlexe.co.uk
 Tickets are £32 for dating and show
£11 for dating only - tickets here http://oldfashioneddating.eventbrite.com/

The Old Fashioned Dating company believes that with matchmaking, backwards is the way forwards.
We encourage you to listen, laugh and chat in a world of sophistation, entertainment, music and dancing.
The good old days are back.

Doors open for The Old Fashioned Dating launch at 6.00pm
Dating starts at 6.30 sharp
Show starts 8.00pm
Carriages at 11.00pm ish


"The launch event of Old Fashion Dating takes its inspiration from 1930s courting, mixing old school matchmaking with (gentle) speed-dating, all followed by a cracking burlesque show.The ‘old fashioned’ aspect will see a dating expert match-make applicants ahead of the event, based on their answers to a questionnaire completed on booking. Each attendee will receive a sealed dating card on arrival containing information about their 10 handpicked dates. Interviews will be gently marshalled over an hour or so you can spend some time getting to know each one."
Sounds really exciting! Can't wait to go. I will of course dissect the evening's events right here on my blog afterwards... watch this space!

Sunday 12 February 2012

Single and Disconnected.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and it's struck me as actually quite obvious when you think about it. Why are there so many single people? I know there are people who are in one of those relationship things, and that's great, but you must have noticed it - whole swathes of twenty-somethings, perfectly wonderful people, who haven't had a real relationship in years. It can't all be through choice. It just seems to be that there are more people single than in relationships, and not for a short period of time, either.

Granted, the majority of my circle of friends have boy/girlfriends (I'll come to that later), but here's a nice statistic for you: "There has been a dramatic increase in the number of single women, according to the Office for National Statistics. The number of 18- to 49-year-olds living alone has more than doubled over the past three decades."

I think, (to quote Matrix Reloaded, that classic film), it's choice. The problem is choice.

Instead of things like online dating bringing people together, it's actually showing people just how many other singles are out there. Instead of having access to a few singles within our circles of friends of friends, now there are thousands. Literally thousands of people you could potentially be with. So why settle for that lovely guy that took you on a date last week when there might be someone even better out there? The guy taking you out next week has a better job than poor last-week-whats-his-name. And so it goes on. I'm not saying you should ever, ever settle, but we can't all have perfection. And always holding out for grass is greener isn't the way to happiness. Who has been guilty of this? I certainly have. The internet is ruining our capacity to be truly happy with what we have. 100 years ago, you grew up, did the job your father did, and married the girl in the same village as you. Simple. Now? People can't even decide what flavour syrup they want in their Venti Skinny Decaf Mocha Frappuccino. How in the hell can we decide who's a good person to love?

I was recommended to read The Single Trap by Andrew G. Marshall by a commenter; I haven't finished it yet but the first few chapters have been interesting. Some of it is a bit unnecessary for me - whole chapters on how 'your parents have probably damaged your ability to find love' etc - my parents are great, no issues there. It's not written in too a self-helpy way (not overly American or 'yeah! you can do it! you deserve the best!') which is refreshing. In fact there's a section on why thinking you deserve only the very best is probably why you're in this mess. Worded nicer than that though, obviously.

No, what struck me was a section called 'Why it is becoming harder to meet people.'
“The dominant strains in our culture are materialism and individualism... the result is that we seem to be losing the social glue that holds us all together... We are more likely to be strangers to our neighbours... Social, sporting and voluntary groups have lost between 10 and 20 percent of their membership and the remaining members spend less time together. The slack has not been taken up by by informal social connections like drinks after work or socialising with friends.”

In essence, people are sticking within their close friendship groups, and losing basic acquaintances/friends of friends, etc. I see this in front of my own eyes, living in London. You'd think, that living in a huge city like this, it would be easy to meet people. But it's harder than ever. I have my handful of good friends; they don't know that many people outside of their own circles, and so can't introduce me to any eligible bachelors. Plus they all have boyfriends so seem to be busier with them than socialising with me and picking up guys. Heh. I have my housemates, who I get on fine with, but it's a closed circle with them really; my housemates have other friends but I'm very rarely invited to socialise with them (that's a whole other issue entirely. We won't dwell, I've long since accepted I'm not 'cool' enough to hang out with them and their East London ways), and I have work colleagues. Unfortunately, the industry I'm in doesn't have a great deal of men, and the only guy I work directly with on a daily basis is gay. Boo.

Hence, the online dating thing. But I'm getting really jaded with it all; I've been going online for over a year now and nothing of note has really come from it. I'm not giving up, but I'm well aware my best bet for finding someone I genuinely connect with is through a friend of a friend. Or, by actively trying to create more acquaintances that can link me to potential guys. If it's been proven that people are letting that social, loose friendship thing slide, then I'm going to try and expand my circle. I'm already a pretty outgoing person, I always go to events/talks/meetups etc on my own; I just need to focus on making friends (girls or guys) who could possibly lead to single guys, rather than going straight for the single guys directly. Sounds like a plan, right? Of course, that doesn't mean I'm forging tonnes of fake acquaintance-friendships just to get to their hot mates - I would quite like some actual new friends too. It's just kind of a bonus. And a much better strategy than sitting in a freezing room clicking on endless pictures of 'caring, fun and creative' guys who turn out to be anything but.

Do you think society is becoming more and more closed off? Is it becoming harder to branch off and meet new friends of friends? What are your experiences of trying different ways to meet people in real life? Answers on a postcard!