It was so nice to look forward to, not dread, a second date, and be excited and nervous at the same time. I hadn't felt that in so long; that awkward, scary feeling when you still don't know someone properly but really like them.
Our second date was a few drinks at a cocktail bar; which turned into chinese in China town. Spontaneous but I really liked that he suggested it. It was really pretty walking along under the lanterns, the food was great (but felt so full, way too much to eat!) and he offered to pay too, which is always really lovely, I do like being looked after. We chatted more about our families, ambitions, things like that, and we sort of skirted into the issue of his ex girlfriend. I think we got onto the subject of what he did last Christmas, and he said he spent it skiing with her family. I did the whole concerned, 'oh, so why did you break up in the end?' thing (If he brings up an ex, you can't ignore the issue, may as well strike) and turned out he was with her for SEVEN years and they ended up just drifting apart. "Oh, but we're still friends, I see her every month or so."
Do you now? Hmmm. #alarmbells
I have no issue with anyone being friends with an ex, to a point. But I also know that when you have been with someone for 7 years, and you've been broken up for 7 months, and you're still friends, there must be some feeling there. For both or either party. I kept my silence but it did niggle at me.
After that we had a little wander down Shaftesbury avenue, held hands (!), had a few (a lot) of kisses, generally feeling quite giddy and happy. The holding hands was a big deal as I hadn't actually held hands with a boy I'd liked for... years. It struck me as a strange feeling until I realised that fact; the reason it was so strange was because it was alien to me. Like driving again after not driving for 8 months; you know what to do, but it's weird. An actual boy was holding actual hands with actual me, and meaning it. It was nothing short of a miracle, I tell you. Could this be it? The beginning of something really exciting?
We texted a few times, and then arranged another date the following week, this time to see a film. 3rd date territory was new to me, I'd only ever got to 2 dates and it was clear I wasn't interested. We saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes (hilarious film, not terrible, but quite ridiculous) at Leicester Square Empire - if you've ever been there you'll know it's a great little cinema, really small intimate screens. I could tell he was trying to edge over to kiss me during the film but I relented - nothing against him, but really, I hate kissing at the cinema. It just feels very teenage-y, and besides, I actually want to watch the film! I don't like kissing in public (too much) at the best of times and if a couple are getting off in front of me, it annoys me. So I was kind of skirting away, ha. Afterwards we went for a few cocktails, but as it was a wednesday I had work the next day so had to leave early-ish. But another successful date, really enjoyed being with him.
The question now, which I still don't really know the answer to, is when does it move onto 'this is the guy I am seeing'? 3 dates still feels like you've only been on... 3 dates, obviously, but at what point does it move to 'I am spending lots of time with you, therefore you are more than just a guy I'm dating, but you're not my boyfriend yet because as far as I know you are dating other girls.'? It felt like we were just moving into this territory. The dates were going well, the 4th date was very similar (we went to Zizzi's, had a walk along the southbank, lovely lovely) and it really felt like it was on the edge of something; like the next few weeks would tip it over into 'officially seeing each other' category.
The problem was, I was about to go on holiday. I've got friends who have been seeing guys, then they go away, and when they come back, because they haven't seen them, everything's weird and wrong and one or the other has lost interest. It's like starting a fire, you have to look after it a bit and feed it and stoke it otherwise it'll go out. Unfortunately, I was about to go on holiday right at the point where it could go either way with this guy.
There were a few things not right. First of all, outside of our dates, we wouldn't really talk that much, except to arrange more dates, which were religiously once a week, it seemed. A few texts here and there but not a lot. He wasn't very observant (didn't notice when I had my hair cut! Boohoo), didn't really ever actually compliment me, and our conversations were fine but not particularly deep or groundbreaking. He had only just moved to London, so it was down to me to arrange where to go on dates, as he didn't really know anywhere. This in itself was fine, but I would have liked if he'd gone, let's go for dinner, I'll have a google and see what's good. Just once, at least. Also, the fact that he'd only just moved to London gave me a thought at the back of my head that, a guy in his early 20s just moving to London, perhaps doesn't want to meet someone in the first month of him being there. Maybe he wants to play around a bit. Who knows.
So we saw each other the day before I went away for 2 weeks, and he texted me the night before saying have a good time, see you when you back, etc. So far, so good, right?
Right?
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